of ups and downs

well here we go again...on the upslide of what neil young once called:
'the rollercoaster ride...that my emotions have to take me on'.
for those who came in late, as the Phantom would say, I have bi-polar disorder which rears its head from time to time, in varying levels of severity, and with various effects on my day-to-day existence.
back to neil young - one of my favourite topics - he is pretty spot on that young fellow... the rest of that song 'natural beauty' goes on to say:
'natural beauty should be preserved...like a monument to nature...don't judge yourself too harsh my love, or someday you may find your soul endangered...'

so here i am on the upside of down, not judging myself too harshly, and getting on with the business of life - work, play, eating, trying to sleep and generally taking plenty of sedatives to help that process.
a friend wisely told me yesterday to be happy with my achievement of continuing to keep myself in the land of the living so to speak, in that in the past i have often retreated from my day to day obligations of study or work, thinking that the best way to combat a high episode.
But it is becoming clearer and clearer that the best and only way is to ride on through the storm, taking the medication to help get through the episode and trying my best but not getting too downhearted if it gets out of control.
All you can do is try your best and when that fails, try again. I'm sounding like a self-help book now, so I'll stop.

I had a fantastically relaxing weekend down south in Bridgetown at the folks' property...with the bro, the mum and the step-dad and not to forget the two lovely kelpies Chilli and Jack (see a pic of these cool canines below).
it was uber-relaxing just chilling on the farm in the trees and the breeze, doing a bit of work on the verandah (with its associated male bonding with Sig and John) and eating well and sleeping pretty well most nights and a bit during the day.

I took the bus down, and caught the train back to Perth...the bus(es) were slow but got there in the end (5.5 hours later) but the train was fab...beating the Easter traffic rush with consummate ease...almost as if it had its own track...
I even wrote up a realo story for work on my brand new laptop on the way home... it was extremely post-post-modern of me to do work on the go like that. I was sitting next to a little scamp who was listening to Eminem on his mobile phone MP3 player... I asked him if he liked Beastie Boys - he said yes - so I offered to bluetooth some tunes to him to show how down with the tech i am...he kind of sneered and said he could just download them if he wanted to. cheeky monkey.

Well enough rambling...is this what other people do on their blogs? Self-indulgent rambling? No wonder no-one reads mine. Would I even read past the first line if I read my own anonymously? Probably not.

On that note, I will say goodbye to myself for anther post, and look forward to meeting up with myself at another time.

Love from me

Ground Zero

This is here. This is me. This is what I wanted you to see.
That was then, that is past, that is gone and won't last.
I was yours, you were mine, I couldn't stand petty rhymes
You were here, you were gone, you ended up far from home.

-this is a new beginning of not much really. who knows what the world holds for all those little girls and boys who don't have access to high-speed broadband? i was like them once - lost, alone with my pretentious childhood games of army men and lego...
where did it all go wrong? why can't i be like him, a veritable model of consistency, a bare-faced liar looking away from the light of his own soul. the world is my oyster...a smoked, oily mess that may or may not resemble a bearded clam...depending on whether you've ever actually seen a live speciman in daylight before.
i am not a poet, i am not a visionary and yet i am both if i choose. i am here for the taking, women of the world, unless i am gay, which is possible i suppose but not in the gay sense of the word...ie 'that is so totally gay'...'ah i don't mean gay...i mean pretentious'
if gay=pretentious then i probably am gay actually...totally gay at that.
why else would you start a blog?
self-importance?
a vehicle for self-expression?
to release my inner demons of a tortured soul, bereft of any love and affection in a cruel, post-post-modern world?
a veritable melange of bouillabaisse-like proportions of the above?
any old excuse to use the word veritable ad nauseum...or maybe even the word ad nauseum veritably.
enough wank for one day...i'll see you next time there's semen in town.