Enjoying the ride

Love it wasn't. Lust it mighta been. Being caught up in the emotion of a notion it probably was.
Romanticising the situation I surely was guilty of. Speaking like Yoda for no reason I am.
OK...so I'm at the end of the line; the point of realisation where my fantasies and 'what ifs' have hit the brick wall of the reality that is - she doesn't feel the way I did, she never did - hell I'm not even sure I felt the way I thought I felt.
That may not make a lot of sense, let me try to explain.
I definitely was attracted to this girl, and at the beginning she was attracted to me. That one night might have been the pinnacle of all that we could achieve together on this earth, however, and maybe it has just taken me a few weeks to realise that. That doesn't make it wrong to celebrate a night of passion, even laugh at the humorous aspects of the encounter...it is all good life experience "at the end of the day, when there are no friends, when there are no lovers"...(I love that line from the REM song 'Good Advices')...it continues..."who are you going to turn to?"
For me, that is the key. Who, or what, do I turn to at the end of the day, when I ponder what has happened, or not happened, or might have been?
I found myself wallowing in self-pity yesterday, when I felt I had been treated badly by this girl in question. It is not a good place to be, but thanks to a friend I got out of that space.
Let me explain how he 'played shrink' and argued me through the negative thought patterns I was stuck with in my mind.
He asked me "what did you want, or expect from this relationship?"
I replied, honestly, "I was hoping for more sex, or intimacy with this girl."
He then asked, "what was it that made you want her - were you attracted to the idea of being with a hot, 20yo Canadian girl for purely physical reasons, or was there a genuine intellectual connection? In other words - what did you have in common?"
I thought about it, and decided I probably wanted to be with this girl mainly because I found her attractive on a physical level and that we didn't have much in common, apart from I liked her sense of humour and thought she had a good sense of fun.
So, he argued, because we didn't really have much in common, my main motivation had been wanting sexual gratification, (I think now, probably for boosting my self-esteem), and therefore, since I had already achieved that goal on the first night, I should be satisfied with that, and not expect anything more from the 'relationship'.
The other issues that he helped me resolve were based around the fact that since that first night, this girl in question had not, in fact, made one single attempt to contact me. That cold, hard, reality hit home a bit and made me realise that I'd been doing all the pulling in this relationship, and while it may have appeared to one slightly naive (or hoping for the best) that she was enjoying my company and perhaps wanted more than just a passing friendship from our 'relationship', the truth was rather that this was a 20 yo girl, who I already knew had another boyfriend out of town, and who knows how many guys after her arse like me...
I don't blame her, she is young, playing the field, wants a good time, but has a totally different perspective on life to me and I was foolish to try to make more out of the situation than what I got that first night. But you live and learn, as they say.
And that is that is that. I will move on, and try to just enjoy the moment for all it is worth!